This song has been haunting me to no end lately. Before I get into what I'll say in this entry, to all my subscribers (the 3 of you) I know i haven't blogged in forever, and for that I say, oh well hahaha. I recently read someone's tumblr, and it made me want to write again. I have this ever present need for people to hear my work, although i dont think ive really accomplished anything yet. Its as im stuck in the in-between, waiting for my future to come hurtling toward me, without taking the first step out. I did however make the final decision to go for film school, and let me tell you, i felt as though someone had sucked all the air out of my lungs, as well as the entire room. To actively pursue your larger than life, whispered aspirations in the dark of the night dreams is arguably the scariest thing i will ever do. It scares me to the point of near defeat, but then that very line of utter fear drives me forward. Its a very delicate balance. the eternal optimist in me pushes forward, striving to be one of the 15 that are accepted each year. I guess what i want is to be remembered, like all writers want. Even though i want to direct, I think i still consider myself a write first. For without a story, you cannot have a film. I want greatness and to have my works mean something, to change people, and move them. Sometimes i wonder if thats a selfish goal, but i know that the money is not what im in it for, i just simply want to be able to afford a house. however my future plays out, i know that i will continue to dream for uniqueness and greatness. For that i am grateful. I cant say if ill blog again, for its a strange, yet sometimes addicting habit. for know ill hope that you at least enjoyed this post, if you read it at all.

Its been a while since i blogged so I'm going to have two back to back posts. This one is however important to me. About two weeks ago, I was helping my mother clean out her office, and we came across my grandmother's journal that she wrote the last year before she passed away. It was extraordinary to be introduced to this entire person that I never even realized existed or had the pleasure of knowing. This woman, whom I will call Julie, because it is hard to stitch together the memories I have of my gama (her nickname) and the woman that fills these pages. It was a pretty simple journal, yellowed at the edges and a paper covering of the same color; but within these simple covering lay prose and poems of incredible beauty, strength, and a air of class. I know that I'm carrying on, but it caught me completely by surprise, and I spent the rest of the day traveling through her last year. This lovely woman, who had Parkinsons by the way, somehow found the strength to write daily, searching for the disappearing parts of her former self. So I will say this to all of you: if you get the chance to see these fascinating sides of your family members, or others, cherish them. Its nice to know that I come from a history of people that can write. It was the highlight of my month.

Ok I officially did a wordless wednesday post, so I can do another one. And by the way, i love that photo. Ive realized lately just how much i miss taking photos. I miss being able to find new angles of places that no one has seen, or capturing a well recognized one just right. It will always have a place in my heart. But this post is about something much more enjoyable. I'm about to introduce you people to the most hilarious woman ever! Her name is Glozell, and she has the most entertaining opinions.

http://www.youtube.com/user/glozell1?feature=chclk  
please go find her and enjoy for yourself. hahah I promise, it will change your life. (ok not change your life, but definitely make your night/day/afternoon...).

Lately, it seems that everyone has an opinion on my personal opinions regarding relationships. Normally this wouldn't bug me whatsoever, I'm pretty easy going. But it seems that somehow people think its a wrong thing to have morals these days. I for one have never judged anyone for what they have or haven't done, and suddenly I find myself on their chopping blocks. This perplexes me. Now I'm not writing this to sound pompous or angry, because I'm truly neither of those things. I just have a hard time grasping why people put so much thought into it. Haha I think someone even said "I need to lower my standards", which i find completely HILarious. I have thought about that, and I've decided heck no world, I'm happy with who I am. I guess I could throw it all away, but at the end of the day, none of these people have to live with my decisions. I'm the one who has to deal with every repercussion of every single action. But then again, maybe this goes back to the issue of the fact that I excessively over-analyze everything. Its an odd habit. ( I wish you could all hear my theme music playing in my head that goes along with this post, it makes it so much less menacing and more empoweringly awesome!) And I think I just made up that word. My main point is- Why can't people just respect others for the decisions they make, unless it would cause harm to them or others? There need to be more love peoples!!!

I love that song (its by Tyler Hilton). Have you ever heard an artist that speaks to your soul through their melodies and lyrics? They seem to bring things out of me that I didn't know I had. But anyway, music, although a major part of my life, is not the topic of this blog tonight. I'm not entirely sure what the topic is exactly, but it'll come out eventually I figure. I finished a test tonight, and I've been itching to write a story that I feel would leave people breathlesss(I'm not actually that concieted, people have affirmed my faith in this story.-you know who you are). So anyway, back to writing. It would be awesome, if it weren't for this darn program called FinalDraft. Now I have the software, but its how it works that eludes me at the moment. Admitting this is hard, because I should know the tools of my trade so to speak. But then I guess thats how you grow, admitting you don't know everything and slowing getting better. I feel, sometimes, that all these stories fill my head, and are just waiting to be spewn out onto digital pages, and people will never hear them. But those are just rambling thoughts. The main problem is time. My friend recently said they need to invent more hours into a day, and I agree. Better yet, I want that watch from the movie Clock Stoppers. (its so awesome!). Then I could sleep and get my stuff done. There's a part of me that can't wait to race ahead to all the things i envision doing, and another part that says enjoy the present. Mostly I guess I want to know if I will succeed or not. Well I'm not sure if i really said anything or not, but I must begin the battle royal with FinalDraft.


lryics & movies,
Amanda

Ok so I have debated this thoroughly with myself, and I've decided to blog more, on the condition that I blindly lie and tell myself that I have a very large fan base, and they feverishly await my future ramblings. that said, I find that I have several things to say is this bloggie. (I often make up terms for things, so appease me and go with it).  Lately, I've been noticing that tons of people have Tumblrs. I'm debating whether or not to switch. But thats not what this blog is about. Scratch that, i want to call them entries. Ok so this ENTRY, is about literature, and more importantly, how beautiful it is. Earlier tonight, like so many before it, I was on facebook (don't judge me, your all guilty of it) and someone posted something that reminded me of Twilight, which made me go to Barnes and Noble's site. From there, I spend the next hour reading book synopsises, i think thats a word, and relishing in the greatness that are these authors. Now to clarify, I'm not talking about the classics or any intense stuff, which i do love, Shakespeare is my boy; these authors guided me through my preteen years and awkward ugly ducklings stages. Oddly enough, most of these authors are women. And it got me to thinking, how amazing it would be to craft words into worlds and stories and adventures for a living. For a long time, i toyed with the idea of becoming a publisher or author, but I do love movies more. I think its the visual aspect, like having my dreams ignited by the sun and exposed for the world to see. I don't think they should be limited to the page of a book. Mmmm thats not it, because plenty of stories would never work as books. I think its more of a balance. I do believe one day, that I will publish a book. Ok I have it now, I'd say that some stories are to pure for the big silver screen. And if you don't know what I'm talking about then i simply can't explain it to you any better. But on the other hand, i find such joy when i see an amazing book turned into a film. Its a very complicated matter with me, and makes up most of my being, for you peer both into my soul and heart with words. I will leave you bloggiers (sounded like pioneers) with a list of must read books, hopefully they will guide you as they guided me:

1. Star Girl -Jerry Spinelli (this is my most favorite of all time, it leaves me speechless)
2. The 5th of March- Ann Rinaldi (this woman is my hero)
3. The big Empty series -J.B. Stephens
4. The Hunger Games- Suzanne Collins (so odd, but yet so right)
5. Twilight -Stephenie Meyers (obviously)
6. Catcher in the Rye - J.D. Salinger (a brilliant book)
7. East of Eden- John Steinbeck
8. Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen (OMG don't even get me started, i wish time travel was possible to meet this woman)


OK and since Movies are  a  part of this: (my favorites right now, they periodically change)
1. Shakespeare in Love (I cry every time)
2. The holiday
3. Green Street Hooligans (so awesome in the worst way)
4. Across the Universe
5. Titanic
6. The Resident Evil movies (so bad ass)
7. Stranger than Fiction (so amazing, in a simple way)
8. My Sassy Girl (possibly one of my top 5)
9. American History X
10. Forgetting Sarah Marshall (I dont know why, but i could watch this movie over and over and laugh every time. comdeic genius)